What I Learned at Camp

Working with kids is hard. Their sin is out there for everyone to see: if they’re angry they hit, if they don’t like what you say they mouth off, if their pride gets hurt they pout. They have either too much energy or no energy at all. They have attention spans of approximately fifteen seconds. I don’t have a ton of energy and by about noon they’ve got me completely worn out even when they’re on their best behavior. And on days like today, when they’re all fighting and crying and full of attitude, sometimes I just want to sit down, give up, and forget about them.

The hardest part, though, is not when they’re fighting with each other or mouthing off. The hardest part is when we’re sitting in front of them, desperately trying to explain the most fundamental aspect of Christianity, and they’re giving us blank stares.

“Do you understand?” we ask.

“Yeah, it all about Jesus,” they answer, trained by Southern Christian society that if they drop the J-word they’ll be good.

“Do you understand grace?”

Blank stares.

It doesn’t matter how much we explain the gospel. I can use the smallest words, the most creative examples, the clearest prose I can think of, and I’ll still get blank stares. Dark hearts don’t understand light. Even worse, dark hearts who grow up in the church think they understand light — and also think they deserve grace. If I can’t explain the cross of Christ, how will I explain anything else?

Praise the Lord for the Spirit, for true grace, and for the love that sent Christ to the cross. Praise the Lord for the gospel, because without it there is no difference between me and these kids. And without the blessed Spirit my job is pointless. Those blank stares won’t go away without the movement of the Spirit, and if you don’t believe me, come hang out with kids for a while. Praise the Lord for sovereignty, because if I could chose my own salvation I would never see Christ. My heart is too rebellious and my eyes are too blinded to do anything else.

I’m not very eloquent today because putting words to sin is just painful. I can see myself in my students: my anger, my pride, my attitude. I just hide it better than they do. I am so, so glad that Jesus has more patience with me than I do with these kids. If Christ gave up on His bride as quickly as I want to give up, let us eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die! But God is love, and love is patient. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And it never fails. Praise the Lord for that.

I think what I learned at camp today is how important prayer is in ministry. Teaching students about Christ is, of course, commanded and absolutely necessary. But without prayer, teaching can become a self-reliant waste of time, because if I believe that my words can save then I’m damning my students to hell. We must pray that the Spirit would impact the lives of our students with grace and love: that is by far the most important part of ministry. Prayer reminds us who we’re relying on: not our eloquent words or creative illustrations, but the sovereign God who saves. I will point my students to the cross as often as possible, and when I can’t do that, Father, give me grace to remember to beg for their souls.

Please, brothers and sisters in Christ, remember prayer.

Get on your knees, people.

This afternoon the House of Representatives rejected the economic bailout plan for the financial industry. By a vote of 228-205, the $700 billion plan was turned down and stocks promptly dropped, the DOW falling by more than 400 points. American stability has officially come to a halt.

I just read an interesting article from the Burnside Writers Collective entitled Why We Need To Hit Bottom, by Melanie Benedict. She opens by discussing an Ethiopian mother of six who is dying of AIDS, has been abandoned by the husband that gave it to her, is shunned by society, and lives in a room the size of a double bed. Then she discusses our own economic crisis:

“I wonder what it would take for us to understand that kind of poverty of those families in Ethiopia. They are desperate for God in every way: for their health, their food, their safety, their children’s future. They are in a position to depend on God alone that we, as Americans, can’t begin to comprehend. As strange as this may sound, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if we were to embrace the falling economy rather than fight it.”

What a ridiculous thought, right? Embrace the falling economy? Resign ourselves to such a horrific financial crisis? Lose that much money?

What about our cars, our grossly expensive schools, our huge houses, our Starbucks, our leisure life? What about weekends out? Splurging on ice cream, clothes, jewelry? What about the money we’ve spent our lives saving up, the money we rely on to get us through the week?

“What would it do for our nation if we could live for even a few days in poverty akin to the daily experience of many around the world? Would we start to look at things a little differently? Would it be as important to own houses that are bigger than we need or can afford? Or would we begin to thank God for the cool breeze of the day, for another day of life to spend with our children, for a soft blanket, or a meal shared in love?

What we seem desperate to stop could potentially be the best thing our nation could ask for. As Christians, wouldn’t the wisest thing be to get on our knees and beg God to save us, not from financial devastation, but from our love of money? If the answer is yes, the daunting question then becomes, are we willing to suffer the consequences ourselves?”

Matthew 19:20-22:

“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Ups and Downs

Last Tuesday I had my first small group, and I have to say guys, it was amazing. I took four girls, all going into 7th or 8th grade, through a number of chapters of Revelation. They were seriously interested, asked so many questions, and really wanted to understand what was happening. One asked if we could just spend the night and keep going; another said she felt like she’d walked into a whole new world. Despite all my notes mysteriously disappearing off of my computer (and I am not technologically-unsound), I felt pretty confident and I knew what I was talking about. It was an all-around great situation.

This Sunday I taught Sunday School and it was completely different. I taught on assurance of salvation, and the 10 or so girls sitting in front of me were dead silent the entire time. Some looked bored while others simply refused to answer even the simplest of questions. By grace there were two there who were willing to talk to me, but otherwise the other girls were almost completely unresponsive. And to top it off, I felt utterly unprepared from the moment I walked in the room — and that was completely my fault. Needless to say, it was a discouraging hour.

I came home to the Wilkenings and told them about how not-fun Sunday School had been, and Mrs. Wilkening pulled out a Bible and showed me the following passage:

The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

Mrs. Wilkening said that when she’s having a bad day she looks at this verse, Zephaniah 3:17, and remembers how much God loves her. It was encouraging to me too, especially “He will quiet you with His love.” I think sometimes I get so stressed, so focused on being the best I can possibly be, that I forget why I’m here. The shouts of my own ideas drown out my Father’s voice. But at times like Sunday afternoon, when it’s really obvious that I can’t just force the girls to respond, God quiets me and reminds me that His love is the only reason I’m here, and the only thing I need to show my girls.

And really, it doesn’t matter what I say to them or how good my talk is. The fact that they responded on Tuesday has very little to do with me and much more to do with the Spirit. And no matter how bad I think my talk was on Sunday, “He is mighty to save.” He is mighty to open their ears even when I think they’re closed; He is mighty to stir their hearts and minds no matter what I do.

Now, I’m not downplaying the need for preparation or the importance of doing all things to the best of my ability. But when I screw up, or when the girls simply aren’t responsive, I know that I can take refuge in the precious words of my Father. He really is mighty to save. He really will rejoice over each of His children with singing. He really does know what I need to say for them to hear me, and He knows how to challenge and humble me as well. When He quiets me with His love, that’s when I listen to Him. And His voice is the only one that matters.

Things I Learned (or Suddenly Remembered) at The Edge

1. Students will complain about anything and everything.

2. The best thing to do during a long van ride is sit in the front and sleep.

3. Girls play this fun game: they ask as many questions as humanly possible in one minute, take a five-second break, and then start again. The first one to cause a counselor to pull his or her hair out wins.

4. Wayne Kerr is an amazing worship leader.

5. Slander (n) – a false and defamatory oral statement about a person

6. No matter how hard the bed is, you will sleep through the night at camp.

7. Of course, girls will do their best to destroy that sleep by knocking on your door the instant you begin dreaming.

8. One word: Dramamine.

9. The best time for a junior high girls’ small group is between the hours of 12 and 1am. No, I’m serious.

10. Watching your girls win (or even almost win) soccer, ping pong, and Edge Idol is the second best feeling in the world.

11. The best is watching them worship Jesus.

12. Junior high boys do not knock before entering a public bathroom.

13. James Stephens will carry a twelve-year-old up five flights of stairs without a second thought.

14. The smaller the girls, the more fit in an elevator. Highest I counted: 18.

15. Sometimes, farting really is the best option.

Um hi!

Ok, so I just realized tonight that I haven’t updated this thing for more than a month — definitely not my plan! By way of explanation: I went to Florida, didn’t have anything to write about for a while, then had too much to do and no time to write. So let’s see what I can bust out now.

As I discussed in an earlier post, my own inadequacy is sometimes very discouraging. I feel like I’m not impacting anyone, not being a force or a change, and if anything this feeling has deepened as I’ve struggled through about five or six weeks in Florida. Don’t get me wrong — I love Florida and I’m having a fantastic time; nonetheless I’m exhausted, frustrated, and very unsure sometimes. I have five weeks left in my internship and yet it seems I’ve just started. As a child of the computer age, it’s hard to remember that relationships take longer than a few days to develop, and let’s face it, I only have a few days.

But God is faithful — that’s what’s most amazing here. He pushes me and pushes me until I feel like I can’t do it anymore, and then he sends me girls with beautiful questions, girls who just want to talk, hilarious situations, whitewater rafting, pancakes, free coffee, and even my beloved friends from home to encourage me. He knows what I need. He created me to love intense biblical discussion just as much as a vacation day in Daytona, and so, I “know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.” I just love how much He loves His children.

The Edge, our middle school summer camp, was utterly beautiful. It was at Covenant (which was pretty sweet!), but more importantly, it was a camp perfectly designed for middle schoolers. Wayne Kerr led the music and we jumped around and praised Jesus all week. There were two speakers — I’m not good with names — and both of them were fantastic. I got to spend lots of time with girls, although I have to say, every once and a while I thought I was done with youth ministry. It’s hard!

At the same time, though, I feel so sure about my calling to ministry right now. The good times outweigh the bad times by far and I love these girls so much. I love watching them think about God, ask questions, and really begin searching for their own faith. I don’t have much time left in the summer but I do have big plans and what can I say? I’m pretty excited.

Ok, I’m going to be honest here: I was watching Design Star while I wrote this. But I did want to update and share a little bit of info with you guys, and talk about God’s faithfulness for a while, so hopefully it made sense and such. And hey, my generation always multi-tasks, so I think it’ll be ok. Leave a comment! I want to hear from you guys. Otherwise I feel like I’m talking to a wall.