So it’s been almost two years since I updated my blog. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say… I guess I just didn’t have the drive to say it.

2011 was, to say the least, a rough year. I graduated jobless, tried and failed to find some new opportunities, and finally settled in the insurance industry — a very stable job that I thank God for, but one that makes me feel a little dead inside. I ended a relationship I thought would never end. And for the for the first time in five years, my work schedule is keeping me from doing youth ministry.

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the Lord is doing (and let’s be serious, we all know how well that works out).  But as 2012 dawns, I find myself thinking about one particular story.

Potiphar’s wife wanted Joseph, but Joseph refused, so she had him thrown in prison. Some time later, the cupbearer and the baker were also imprisoned. They both had dreams, which Joseph interpreted for them. The cupbearer was going to be released, so Joseph told him, “When all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison” (40:14). As it turns out, “The chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph; he forgot him. When two full years had passed, Pharaoh had a dream” (40:23-41:1).

So Joseph, by God’s will, was stuck in prison for more than two years. I imagine him watching the cupbearer leave, hope sprouting in his heart. I imagine him waiting by the door for days, weeks, months, wondering when the cupbearer will find the nerve to mention Joseph to Pharaoh. And then I picture Joseph realizing the cupbearer has forgotten him, and thinking to himself, “Maybe this is where I’ll die.” Maybe this is all there is.

I don’t know why God’s time is not our time. I can’t fathom a thousand years as a drop in the bucket. For me, a thousand years is ten times my life span — if I’m lucky. But I know that God loves me very much, and gave me a passion for students and studying and his word. So I hope that one year is enough, that in 2012 I can return to my passions. Here’s what I want to do:

  • I want to have the time to do youth ministry again. On January 6 I’ll find out if my schedule changes beginning in February. If my work day ends by 5:30, I can make it to youth group and retreats and things.
  • I want to start my master’s in the fall. I’ve applied to four schools: Oxford, Durham, Gordon-Conwell, and Fuller. The first two are MAs in the UK; the second two are MDivs in Boston and Pasadena, respectively. To get to any of these four schools, I must receive scholarships for most of the cost of schooling. I’ll start hearing back in April.
  • I want to feel like I belong somewhere. I have never felt more lonely than I did in 2011.

Praise the Lord for hope, faith, and love. Here’s to a new year!

Clockwise from top left: Durham, Oxford, Fuller, Gordon-Conwell

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